Saturday, October 3, 2009

Foggy Morning

Last night was the first in many days that I slept through the night...thanks to tylenol PM. I awoke feeling refreshed, but then the fog of all that has been happening desended on my brain again. It is like an instant paralysis. I have so much I want to get done, dumb stuff really, like cleaning the house, getting the yard mowed and weedwacked, bathing the dogs. ."Stuff" I have been struggling to get done even before I found out I was going to have surgery. But there is always that feeling if I can get my daily life in order then everything will be okay.

Surgery has been tentatively set for Wednesday, October 14th. I know nothing new from the Dr's perspective. The oncologist is out of town, so I do not know if he has agreed to be in the operating room during the surgery, and now I am questioning some things....

Such as:

1. "Dr. H", the surgeon, kept saying that unless they did the total hysti (I have no clue how to spell that word, how sad!) that he would not know if it was ovarian cancer or just endometrioses ("E") . Surely, they have other ways of detecting "E"? I am sure not all women end up with a hysti, in fact I know they don't because I have heard of women not being able to get pregnant due to "E" and having surgery to fix the issues that come out with ovaries, etc intact. So what makes my case any different...he should be able to tell if I have E or not before he ever picks up his scapel...

2. And I have never heard of having the oncologist in the operating room. My mom's lung cancer was inoperable, so she just went straight to Dr "O". So I need to find out so much more.

3. My regular gyn, Dr. Johnson, is out with her sick I am hoping I can at least talk with her on the phone to ask some of these questions. I have been seeing her for about five years now and feel very comfortable with her. And although Dr H was recommended by her and in the same practice, I know nothing about him. Such as how many cancer patients has he actually come across in his practice or has all of his surgery experience just been on routine ob/gyn cases; which may be why he wants the oncologist in the room.

It's Satuday morning which means I will not get any answers for three more days...doctors are out of town! I would like to leave town too!!!


P.S. I just wanted to say how amazing it is to have so many women out there supporting me during this ordeal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your wonderful words of comfort and wisdom.


  1. Keep sharing......keep questioning the Drs. and keep the faith!

  2. just wanted to tell you that i am thinking of sorry that you are having to go through such a scary process.

    i agree that you should continue to ask questions -- until you can fully understand what is going on. unfortunately sometimes, i think that is the norm.

    i definitely agree with the previous poster: keep the faith!

    {{{ hug }}}